Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 03

First Questions

15|00|00|12|R|S|So where do you think we are? 16|00|00|12|L|Q| 16|00|00|12|L|S|This line could be the end of the line. 15|00|00|12|R|Q| 15|00|00|12|R|S|You mean like the long dark tunnel? 16|00|00|12|L|Q| 16|00|00|06|L|S|Could be. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|S|Head for the light! 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|20|R|Q| 16|00|00|20|L|Q| 15|00|00|12|R|S|So, what happened to our clothes? 16|00|00|12|L|Q| 15|00|00|12|R|T|???? 16|00|00|12|L|T|????

Act 01 Scene 07

Fresh Accident

19|00|00|24|R|S|What the hell do you think you were doing?
You moved right over in front of us! 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|Q| 19|00|00|30|R|Q| 20|00|00|24|L|S|That other guy was merging in from the on-ramp.
What were we supposed to do?
Slam on the brakes? 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|24|R|S|So you move over in front of us, so we have to slam on the brakes!
Is that better? 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|Q| 19|00|00|20|R|Q| 20|00|00|14|L|S|We were just trying to be nice - something you would have no idea about. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|24|R|S|Nice to one, but rude to many!
If either of us hits the brakes, the entire highway slows down. 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|Q| 19|00|00|20|R|Q| 20|00|00|14|L|S|It`s not going to hurt anybody to slow down.
You`re just being selfish. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|14|R|S|Not going to hurt anybody?!!!
The accident you caused hurt a few! 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|20|L|Q| 19|00|00|30|R|Q| 20|00|00|24|L|S|If you hadn`t been going so fast, it wouldn`t have happened.
If we would all just give a little, everyone would fare better. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|30|R|S|I`m gonna give you a little...... Hey....
Where the hell are we, anyway?
This must be one huge hospital. 19|00|00|06|R|Q| 20|00|00|36|L|Q| 19|00|00|36|R|Q| 20|00|00|30|L|S|Well... I remember hurting my arm in the accident, but it seems to be fine now.
Maybe this is the recovery room. 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|06|R|S|But why are we in line? 20|00|00|06|L|Q| 19|00|00|08|R|T|???? 20|00|00|08|L|T|???? 19|00|00|08|R|Q| 20|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 08

God`s God

23|00|00|10|R|S|Pretty unlucky ending up here, huh? 24|00|00|10|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|You don`t know the half of it. 23|00|00|20|R|S|I guess everybody thinks that they are the one who is so unlucky. 24|00|00|20|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|Here`s how unlucky I am. 23|00|00|48|R|Q| 24|00|00|48|L|S|If my God had a God, my God`s God would punish my God for treating me so poorly. 23|00|00|10|R|S|Are we still talking about luck? 24|00|00|10|L|Q| 23|00|00|10|R|Q| 24|00|00|10|L|S|It`s all a matter of perspective.

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 03

Idol Hunger

05|00|00|10|R|S|Everything you desire is an idol. 06|00|00|05|L|Q| 06|00|00|05|L|T|???? 05|00|00|20|R|S|The only desire which is not idolatry, is the desire for God. 06|00|00|10|L|Q| 06|00|00|10|L|T|!!!! 05|00|00|14|R|Q| 06|00|00|14|L|S|Am I committing idolatry when I desire a meal? 05|00|00|16|R|S|You are, if you do not thank God for granting you the meal. 06|00|00|16|L|Q| 05|00|00|06|R|Q| 06|00|00|06|L|S|By saying grace. 05|00|00|04|R|S|Yes. 06|00|00|04|L|Q| 05|00|00|18|R|Q| 06|00|00|18|L|S|By that reasoning, I should say grace before having sex. 05|00|00|20|R|T|!!!! 06|00|00|20|L|S|``God is great. God is good. And we thank Him for this....`` 05|00|00|08|R|T|???? 06|00|00|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 04

Parental Rights

20|00|00|16|R|Q| 21|00|00|16|L|S|Do you think abortion will carry a high price tag? 20|00|00|16|R|S|If so, there will be a lot of wailing up ahead. 21|00|00|16|L|Q| 20|00|00|16|R|Q| 21|00|00|16|L|S|I`m at both ends of the spectrum on abortion. 20|00|00|06|R|S|How do you mean? 21|00|00|06|L|Q| 20|00|00|20|R|Q| 21|00|08|20|L|S|I believe that life begins at conception. A zygote is a human being. Period. 20|00|00|04|R|S|And...? 21|00|00|04|L|Q| 20|00|00|16|R|Q| 21|00|00|16|L|S|I also believe that you have the right to kill your children until they leave home. 20|00|08|08|R|T|!!!! 21|00|07|08|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you. 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 11|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day... 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|???? 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze. 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!! 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing. 11|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo! 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny! 16|00|14|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|14|R|Q| 16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day! 15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day... 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|32|L|Q| 15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!! 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 01

Dark Tunnel

00|DK|00|06|R|S|Do you know where you are? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|06|R|S|The long dark tunnel? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Yeah...
And I`m the bright light at the end of it. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Actually, you look kind of grayish. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Alright, then I`m the black light in the foyer. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|Who has a black light in their foyer? Hippies maybe. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Alright, then I`m the neon sign over the front door. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|``Budweiser.
King of Beers.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|You do realize you`re about to meet your maker? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|Q| 00|00|07|16|R|S|``Check Cashing.
Open 24 Hours.``
Blink, blink, blink. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|18|R|S|Forget the neon sign! Are you prepared to meet God? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|20|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I`m sure God would never have a black light in His foyer. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Oh brother. 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|18|R|S|Maybe a nice Tiffany lamp. Or some accent lighting... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know how many
people in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t... 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know
why trespasses happened,
and understand. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because I know
why someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
??? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|28|R|Q| 02|00|13|28|R|Q| 03|00|13|28|R|Q| 04|00|13|28|R|Q| 05|00|13|28|R|Q| 06|00|13|28|R|Q| 07|00|13|28|R|Q| 08|00|13|28|R|Q| 09|00|13|28|R|Q| 10|00|13|28|R|Q| 11|00|13|28|R|Q| 12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you? 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine. 12|00|13|06|R|Q| 13|00|13|06|L|Q| 13|00|13|04|L|S|You know. 13|00|13|12|L|Q| 13|00|13|06|L|Q| 14|00|13|28|R|Q| 15|00|13|28|R|Q| 16|00|13|28|R|Q| 17|00|13|28|R|Q| 18|00|13|28|R|Q| 19|00|13|28|R|Q| 20|00|13|28|R|Q| 21|00|13|28|R|Q| 22|00|13|28|R|Q| 23|00|13|28|R|Q| 24|00|13|28|R|Q| 25|00|13|28|R|Q| 26|00|13|28|R|Q| 27|00|13|28|R|Q| 28|00|13|28|R|Q| 29|00|13|28|R|Q| 30|00|13|28|R|Q| 01|00|13|44|R|Q| 02|00|13|44|R|Q| 03|00|13|44|R|Q| 04|00|13|44|R|Q| 05|00|13|44|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children. 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral. 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.
06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|Q| 07|00|13|08|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 07|00|13|12|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 07|00|13|08|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|Q| 08|00|13|44|R|Q| 09|00|13|44|R|Q| 10|00|13|44|R|Q| 11|00|13|44|R|Q| 12|00|13|44|R|Q| 13|00|13|44|R|Q| 14|00|13|44|R|Q| 15|00|13|44|R|Q| 16|00|13|44|R|Q| 17|00|13|44|R|Q| 18|00|13|44|R|Q| 19|00|13|44|R|Q| 20|00|13|44|R|Q| 21|00|13|44|R|Q| 22|00|13|44|R|Q| 23|00|13|44|R|Q| 24|00|13|44|R|Q| 25|00|13|44|R|Q| 26|00|13|44|R|Q| 27|00|13|44|R|Q| 28|00|13|44|R|Q| 29|00|13|44|R|Q| 30|00|13|44|R|Q| 01|00|13|18|R|Q| 02|00|13|18|R|Q| 03|00|13|18|R|Q| 04|00|13|18|R|Q| 05|00|13|18|R|Q| 06|00|13|18|R|Q| 07|00|13|18|R|Q| 08|00|13|18|R|Q| 09|00|13|18|R|Q| 10|00|13|18|R|Q| 11|00|13|18|R|Q| 12|00|13|18|R|Q| 13|00|13|18|R|Q| 14|00|13|18|R|Q| 15|00|13|18|R|Q| 16|00|13|18|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there? 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|L|Q| 18|00|13|10|L|Q| 18|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 19|00|13|18|R|Q| 20|00|13|18|R|Q| 21|00|13|18|R|Q| 22|00|13|18|R|Q| 23|00|13|18|R|Q| 24|00|13|18|R|Q| 25|00|13|18|R|Q| 26|00|13|18|R|Q| 27|00|13|18|R|Q| 28|00|13|18|R|Q| 29|00|13|18|R|Q| 30|00|13|18|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|